Chocolate Cake

For some reason I never told this story on my blog.  It is a story I am somewhat famous for at work.  Straight guys are in awe.

I was dating a guy for a while, didn't work out but we remained friends.  One night, after we stopped seeing each other, he started texting me jonesing for sex.  I was pretty adamant that it was not a good idea given the situation.  Here's where it all went off course.  All day I had been craving chocolate cake.  Chris had been texting me from work.  Work happened to be a local restaurant.  I asked him if they had any chocolate cake there and the answer was an affirmative.  So I told him to grab up a piece and I would pick him up from work and head back to his place.

Back at his place I got a blowjob while eating a piece of chocolate cake.  Both were good though the cake was a bit dry.

Love Is A Four Letter Word

Love is one of those words.  We all use it in different ways.  It has different meanings for each of us.  It has levels and depths and insinuations.  Some are afraid to use it, some use it callously.  Then there is the whole thing about putting the "in" before the word.  In love.

I am uncertain if I have ever been in love.  I have definitely fallen for people.  Actually, I fall hard, it's not pretty.

As for the word love, I refuse to save it for spousal purposes only.  Given that I'm single it is probably a good choice if I ever want the chance to use the word.  Okay, well I guess there is family, I use the word in reference to them as well.

I guess the family thing actually solidifies my use of the word in reference to my friends.  I definitely think of my friends as my chosen family and I definitely love them.

Hear that friends?  I love you all.

Looking For Comfort In All The Wrong Places...

I came to a realization recently that I have been “hooking up” not because I wanted sex, or to get off.  I have been hooking up because I have been lonely.  This is NOT a good reason to hook up. 

I have left most hookups with the thought that I could have really just stayed home and jerked off.  This is because with only a few exceptions I have had no emotional connection with the other person.  I have no need to be “in love” with the other guy, nor do I even need to love him.  I do need to like him though.  I need to feel like this is a person I would like to spend time with.  More than that, I need to know that HE would like to spend time with me. 

I feel that more than anything right now I want to wake up with somebody.  I don’t however want to wake up with some random trick; in fact I don’t even care if there is any sex in this equation.  I want it to be someone who wants to be there, someone who wants to be with me.  Maybe even somebody who needs to be with me, somebody who just needs to be held.  I have found that I can take equal comfort in holding someone as I get from being held. 

There have been few hookups lately; I think less than six in the last six months, not counting one guy that I guess I could say I dated for a couple weeks.  Every one pretty much the same, same ambivalent feelings after.

My real fear in all this is that I might get into a relationship with the wrong person in order to get the things that I am lacking.  I might not need to fear this as I have managed to stay single for this long.  Definitely a record for me.  However, I still fear the possibility of this clouding my judgment at some point.  I guess as long as I keep it in mind I should be able to keep it in check.  At the very least I will try.

Born High Def in an 8 Bit World

So I have always been a technology addict. However, a funny thing happened on the way to the twenty-first century: I never got into gaming. To be fair my introduction to gaming was Pong. Perhaps I was ahead of my time then and just gave up on the possibility of gaming being remotely engaging. I did eventually graduate to an Atari console. Space Invaders, Asteroids and Missile Command. These games were an improvement but still didn't hook me on gaming beyond the life of the console. To be fair, it actually didn't die it just stopped being used.

I recently was hanging out with friends and a round of Mario Party was suggested. I passed but told them to go ahead and I'd just watch. Funny thing happened though, I thought it looked fun. A week or so later I played a round with another friend and I was hooked. I bought myself a Wii and the rest is history.

The world of gaming has changed a lot. Beyond better graphics and all the other technical stuff. Gaming is totally a separate form of entertainment. A form of entertainment requiring vast amounts of coordination. Coordination and patience. Oh and memory, probably my weakest area.

I was looking for a first person shooter game and a friend loaned me Metroid. I got 5 minutes in and got stuck because I could not figure out how to open a door. I just wanted to shoot things. The modern video game seems to be a movie where YOU are/control the main character. Really, I just wanted to shoot things.

Oh it's going to be a learning curve...

Happy thoughts...

Okay so this is not the entry I was going to post tonight. I had a somewhat lengthy blog about my views on my relationships past, present and future. It seemed to be getting a bit heavy and I felt it really wasn't saying anything but was potentially sounding whiny.  The draft is saved, it may yet turn up but I decided to go a different direction tonight.

I need to blog about the good stuff in my life. I haven't been lately. Okay, I know I haven't been blogging at all lately. but I seem to have been blogging some pretty heavy stuff and it's time for some random events instead of random thoughts.

So this past weekend was my 45th birthday and I celebrated with my friends. Friday night was a birthday party for myself and two other August babies. Happy Birthday to Calvin (August 21) and Stephen (August 30). Hosted by Matt and Chris it brought together a bunch of awesome people to be sure. Pre and post party hosted by Eric, always a good time.

Saturday and Sunday brought good times with more friends, Saturday morning coffee and movie with Colin, sushi dinner with Rob, hanging out with Shaunna and Harlee for a bit (Ninjering called on account of rain).  Sunday morning coffee with Kim and dinner with the parents. Throw in Happy birthday calls from my sister and my ex-wife (a whole other story) and you've got the makings of one of the best weekends ever.

Some other random good stuff in my life right now: Jessie, the best dog ever. Yoga. Starbucks Vanilla Lattés.  Aussibum Underwear.  Summer. 

I am not 20something anymore...

These are words to live by, or rather words to stay alive by.

I planned on getting drunk last night. I did not plan on being barfing drunk by 1AM though. Actually it was earlier than that. I gave up and taxied home at 1AM. This was a real shitshow in my mind. I hope it didn't look as bad from the outside. The whole problem revolves around trying to keep up with a 21 year old. Drinking Fireball Whiskey has never been a problem but the quantities and timing last night were a bit accelerated for me I think.

The evening started at a friend’s place. He has graciously hosted many a pre-party and has included me often which is very kind of him given we really don’t know each other all that well. There are always interesting people there and I generally just hang out and take in all the conversation. I did realize after the last one that I let my habit of being a quiet observer overshadow the fact that I was at a party and should be participating more. I think I was better last night. That is before the liquor kicked in, which was thankfully after leaving the party. We went to The Mansion and then to The Renaissance. Yes I puked in two different establishments last night. A personal record for me, thank you very much.

My intention was to blame this all on Colin. However, as the evening started with a hug from him when I got to the party and ended with a hug as he sent me to my taxi, as well as the fact that he is babysitting me from afar tonight I will let him off the hook. I will however not let him mix my drinks next time.

That is all. I am now going to watch a Julia Roberts chick flick and drown my loneliness in Haggen Daz. Cheaper than Therapy.

Does this outfit make me look fat?

The question no man ever wants to hear.  Truth is there are many questions we don't ever want to answer honestly.  If you think about it there are many questions, asked or unasked, that we don’t want the honest answer to as well.

As friends, we want to be supportive.  From our friends we want the same.  If we are contemplating an unwise purchase we might want our friends to be honest if they think it's a bad idea.  If we have made up our mind or have already made the purchase we want friends to agree with us that it was an awesome buy.  Stronger than that as the friend in the former scenario we are compelled to be supportive.  After all, the damage is done.  What will honesty serve now?  Who wants to say “I told you so” anyway?

Scenario number two: Your friend tells you the guy you are dating (or girl in the case of people who date girls) is not right for you, nasty, gross, smelly, too rich, too poor, too educated, uneducated or for whatever reason inappropriate.  You are pretty likely to dismiss this opinion, after all, you know yourself better.  Depending on your friend’s conviction you may well estrange yourself from them.  Why would you want an unsupportive friend?

Sometimes I think I am a bad friend.  I haven’t told anyone their boyfriend was a jerk.  I didn’t tell someone they were being unreasonable when they clearly thought they were not and I clearly thought they were.  I may have told someone that colour doesn’t suit them while it was on the rack but held my tongue when it was in the bag.  I just want everyone to be happy and I seem to think agreeing with someone makes them happy.  In the short term it probably does.  In the long term; you might be looking at a huge bite in the ass.

So I have not answered any deep, philosophical question here.  I still don’t know what the answer is.  Honesty is important and I think most of us strive for that.  On a friendship level can we be brutally honest and still have friends?  I’m not sure we could.  It is a social experiment I don’t think I could try given the risk.

PS: Does this outfit make me look fat?